I’m told this skit is attributed to Monty Python, and it certainly sounds like something they would do. However, I can’t verify it.
Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.
Shopkeeper: A what?
C: A license for my pet fish, Erik.
S: How did you know my name was Erik?
C: No no no, my fish's name is Erik, Erik the fish. He's a halibut.
S: What?
C: He is...a...halibut.
S: You've got a pet halibut?
C: Yes. I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.
S: You must be a looney.
C: I am not a looney! Why should I be attired with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo has a pet prawn called Simon (you wouldn't call him a looney); furthermore, Dawn Pailthorpe, the lady show-jumper, had a clam, called Stafford, after the late Chancellor, Allan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had a haddock! So, if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche du temps perdu' a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
S: Alright, alright, alright. A license.
C: Yes.
S: For a fish.
C: Yes.
S: You are a looney.
C: Look, it's a bloody pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet dog Erik, and I've got a license for me pet cat Erik...
S: You don't need a license for your cat.
C: I bloody well do and I got one. He can't be called Erik without it--
S: There's no such thing as a bloody cat license.
C: Yes there is!
S: Isn't!
C: Is!
S: Isn't!
C: I bloody got one, look! What's that then?
S: This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in, in crayon.
C: The man didn't have the right form.
S: What man?
C: The man from the cat detector van.
S: The looney detector van, you mean.
C: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
S: What cat detector van?
C: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.
S: Housinge?
C: It was spelt like that on the van (I'm very observant!). I’ve never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards! And Erik, being such a happy cat, was a piece of cake.
S: How much did you pay for this?
C: Sixty quid, and eight for the fruit-bat.
S: What fruit-bat?
C: Erik the fruit-bat.
S: Are all your pets called Erik?
C: There's nothing so odd about that: Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul!
S: No he didn't!
C: Did!
S: Didn't!
C: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
S: Oh, all right.
C: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?
S: I promise you that there is no such thing: you don't need one.
C: In that case, give me a bee license.
S: A license for your pet bee?
C: Yes.
S: Called Erik? Erik the Bee?
C: No.
S: No?
C: No, Erik the Half-Bee. He had an accident.
S: You're off your chump.
C: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquiallism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little chum Erik the Half-Bee, I shall have to ask you to listen to this!
Take it away, Erik the orchestra leader!....... A one... two.... A one.. two.. three..four...
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