Erik the Fish

I’m told this skit is attributed to Monty Python, and it certainly sounds like something they would do. However, I can’t verify it.

Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.
Shopkeeper: A what?
C: A license for my pet fish, Erik.
S: How did you know my name was Erik?
C: No no no, my fish's name is Erik, Erik the fish. He's a halibut.
S: What?
C: He is...a...halibut.
S: You've got a pet halibut?
C: Yes. I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.
S: You must be a looney.
C: I am not a looney! Why should I be attired with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabardo has a pet prawn called Simon (you wouldn't call him a looney); furthermore, Dawn Pailthorpe, the lady show-jumper, had a clam, called Stafford, after the late Chancellor, Allan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had a haddock! So, if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche du temps perdu' a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
S: Alright, alright, alright. A license.
C: Yes.
S: For a fish.
C: Yes.
S: You are a looney.
C: Look, it's a bloody pet, isn't it? I've got a license for me pet dog Erik, and I've got a license for me pet cat Erik...
S: You don't need a license for your cat.
C: I bloody well do and I got one. He can't be called Erik without it--
S: There's no such thing as a bloody cat license.
C: Yes there is!
S: Isn't!
C: Is!
S: Isn't!
C: I bloody got one, look! What's that then?
S: This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in, in crayon.
C: The man didn't have the right form.
S: What man?
C: The man from the cat detector van.
S: The looney detector van, you mean.
C: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
S: What cat detector van?
C: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.
S: Housinge?
C: It was spelt like that on the van (I'm very observant!). I’ve never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards! And Erik, being such a happy cat, was a piece of cake.
S: How much did you pay for this?
C: Sixty quid, and eight for the fruit-bat.
S: What fruit-bat?
C: Erik the fruit-bat.
S: Are all your pets called Erik?
C: There's nothing so odd about that: Kemal Ataturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul!
S: No he didn't!
C: Did!
S: Didn't!
C: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
S: Oh, all right.
C: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?
S: I promise you that there is no such thing: you don't need one.
C: In that case, give me a bee license.
S: A license for your pet bee?
C: Yes.
S: Called Erik? Erik the Bee?
C: No.
S: No?
C: No, Erik the Half-Bee. He had an accident.
S: You're off your chump.
C: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquiallism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little chum Erik the Half-Bee, I shall have to ask you to listen to this!
Take it away, Erik the orchestra leader!....... A one... two.... A one.. two.. three..four...

I'm not surprised

Your Quirk Factor: 67%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

Hell Hath No Fury

Last night, I got an email from a friend I have lost touch with. It contained a solitary link. It was link to a website that serves as a bulletin board for jilted lovers, predominantly women posting their gripes and warnings about men. The link was about a mutual friend. Here is a tidbit of the 868 word posting: The sad part is that from what I know of him the post (that I deleted) was mostly true.

I am not posting this to be mean or for revenge. It is very serious the damage this person has done to people who have trusted him. NAME DELETED is a very bad person. He has severe psychological problems that damage all who are foolish enough to trust him. At first he seems too good to be true. He says all the things anyone would ever want to hear. He knows what women need to hear. He will seem like the sweetest kindest man. Then the truth slowly sets in. He has fooled so many women over the years. Ask him. He will tell you about all the other women but he will make it seem like it is their fault. He makes up terrible stories to tell people about you. It doesnt matter if you are dating him or are his friend or are his boss or coworker or even family. If you are connected to him in any way he has told vicious lies about you. He blames every problem he has on his ex wife or his boss. He has slandered countless people telling ugly stories to anyone who is compassionate enough to listen. He abuses all that is good in people. He even justifies himself by going to a therapist but he lies to her.

I am surprised there are such services available for would be lovers. It’s a pretty good idea, and pretty entertaining reading also. The lovely and talented Mrs. eSquared and I spent quite some time reading the comments.

Why am I blogging this? I’m not sure. I like the idea of the community awareness and accountability. On the other hand, it’s a little disturbing to know someone for which such a grievance is posted.

Running the Gauntlet

Spring… the end of the school year is nigh and senior-itis is spreading like a virus. The weather is warming up, and sap is beginning to course through the leaves and branches of trees. Sap is also pasted to the walls in the parking garage, the commons and the hallways of our buildings on campus. Unlike natural sap, the sap that plagues us here at UWB is the posturing of student government hopefuls.

First, I was met at the parking garage by painted posters urging me to vote for this person, or that issue. The most absurd: a relationship with gold’s gym for students. Next I saw an older man combing his hair. As I approached and smiled, he offered me a Gideon New Testament. I politely declined.

As I approached the commons, a candidate (I found out later) was between me and the door. He stood with a silly grin, and no other identifying characteristics. He asked me how I was and I guardedly replied. He told me he will have water here later if I wanted any. I thought… how weird.

I got into class and we had guests. Two of the candidates for student president were there to pitch themselves to us. It was as painful as a root canal. The first speaker (the one who offered the water) bashed his opponent, and never identified himself.

What is the point? I am hard-pressed to find and direct effect student government has had on me; aside from the crap they litter the campus with every spring, and their demands to vote.

I do understand their aspirations to have a notable addition to their Curriculum Vitae. What employer or academic program considers back-slapping and glad-handing as a marketable skill.

Intolerant? Yes. Arrogant, Probably.

A Change of Mind

A Change of Mind

Dear solitary reader…

I discovered, to my shock and horror, that WordPress templates are not customizable. So… it is with a heavy heart - for I was thrilled to have many new gizmos on my blog – that I’ve scuttled my WordPress project. Alas, I will remain here, on blogger.com to publish continuum of my own, from prattling, to ranting.

My Last Blog Post

I am my own harshest critic.

I have been lengthening the distance of my daily blog stroll. In doing this, I’ve come to two separate conclusions. First… there are many people who write really well. They prattle on about the most inane stuff. Second… there are some really good writers out there, just publishing their own little lives, on their own little blogs. I am buoyed by this second conclusion. I’m not actually sure why I blog. Surely, my one intermittent reader doesn’t hang on my every word. In the back of my head, I like to think I am doing us both good by writing my little blurghs.

That’s funny… Microsoft spellcheck is telling me the last word in the previous sentence is spelled right. Humm… I was just being silly. I wonder what it means… Off to dictionary.com. Perhaps Bill knows something everyone else doesn’t. It’s not a word.

The pathetic part? That was the most excitement I’ve had all day. (sigh)

No doubt, the title of this post has piqued your interest. Is he going to quit? Has pussed out? Can’t stand the heat in the kitchen? Well…?

Gather closer, dear reader and I’ll tell you the story. It all began months ago, the end of winter quarter in fact. I built a website for my Senior Seminar class on the Hegemony of Rosie the Riveter. Combined with my other web projects, my student account couldn’t host the site. Not to mention, in another month, I won’t be a student any longer. I needed to find another host.

I’ve been thinking about it lately, buy not willing to shell out the cash for the cache (get it?). While spelunking the caverns of the internet, I found a blog host that I really like: WordPress. So I signed up. As I was setting up the account… formatting fonts, choosing color schemes… arranging tables and boxes just so, it’s much like moving into a new house.

Well… long story short… not only did I buy one domain name, buy two. First, I got digipomo.com. Then, eSquared.us. I thought the digipomo was more of a project name, rather than a personal one for me. Each come with 200MB of storage and 1GB transfers. And 50 email account each.

So, dear reader, if you’re interested in yourname@digipomo.com or yourname@esquared.us let me know. Better think about it now, before they become wildly popular, and Tom Cruise is jumps up and down on Oprah’s couch screaming about my blog.

Coming soon… esquared.us and digipomo.com. Stay tuned.

So… is it my last post? Nah.

If wishes were fishes…

Do you ever have so many things to say... you need to make a list?

There are only two things on my list.

But it’s more complicated than that. I have this post I've been looking forward to writing. It’s first on my list. The second is a list of 100 things about me. Yes, making a list is on my list. It gets worse... lists are on my list… that’s on the list.

So... Why write this post when I could be writing the one I want? Then, I could get to the list, on my list, and check that off the main list. Silly, no?

The post is a reward. I have to get a bunch of Policy Journal stuff to do. I won’t let my self step in until I'm done. I've delayed gratification. I’m not sure why.

Perhaps it’s nap time

Holy Shit... its May!

I can’t believe it. This month, I will finish my Undergraduate coursework, present one of my papers at the Annual UW Undergraduate Research Symposium, and turn 39. Turning 39 is a trip for two reasons. First, I don’t feel 39. I don’t even feel 30. Lastly, and more traumatically, there are no more birthdays between here and 40. Midlife, the great-divide, all-down-hill-from-here… Middle age. Ack!

The more faithful of my readers will notice that I changed the background color of this site. This feels a little warmer and inviting. Tell be what y’all think.