Mrs. E2: “I heard a noise outside, and the light keeps coming on.”
(We have a motion-sensor light in the back yard)
“Would you do a house-check”?
Me: “Uh, grunt, sputter, cough.”
The clock on the DVD player came into focus as I stumbled closer. I need to use all the muscles in my face to keep the lids over my fixed-focus eyes open.
Damned Clock: 3:38
Luckily, the hallway is narrow enough to keep me from falling over as I hurl myself down the hall.
My first complete thought: This is the first time in our nearly eleven years of marriage I’ve been sent on an emergency house-check.
My Second complete thought: Now that I’m standing in the living room, in my underwear; I should have grabbed the baseball bat I keep next to the bed. The same one I move EVERY time I sweep, vacuum and dust the bed room.
I stand in the sliding glass window, wondering what I would do if I saw the boogerman. Luckily for me, he either wasn’t there or hid himself well for the minute I stood there.
I go back to bed, reassuring the hyper-vigilant Mrs. E2.
Outside: Thump-bump.
Damned Clock: 4: BLUR
“Did you hear that”?
Me: (Wide awake with enough adrenaline fizzing through me I can feel my hair) “Yup… maybe it came from upstairs.”
This was my futile hope that it was Old Crow was cleaning her bedroom, or moving furniture.
This was my last thought. I guess I was SO concerned for the safety of my home and family… I fell back asleep.
By The Way… Where is Wylie the attack-cat during this whole drama? Asleep like a big, hot, fuzzy rock in the exact center of the bed.
The next thing I hear (in the morning): ‘Hey Huunny… know what that noise was last night… our burgler”?
“Apples from the neighbor’s tree falling on the shed.”
So much for the invading hordes of communists.
1 comment:
better apples than communists. that's what i always say.
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