Baby Pink arrived the other day. No, not in that way… she is still snug inside Mrs. eSquared. What I mean is, anyone who looks can see her. Even some distance away, it’s evident that she has arrived, kicking, nudging, elbowing and bumping.
Mrs. E2 was determined to hide Baby Pink at her place of employment until the New Year. Fortunately, she has the last couple of weeks of 2006 off. Once Mrs. E2 was done working for the year, *WHAP* she got big.
She went back to work this week with an obvious change from the last time her colleagues saw her. Why do people (women especially) get all excited when they see a pregnant woman? Is pregnancy a special initiation into a club that men and women that haven’t experienced childbirth just aren’t invited to?
You know you’ve seen it… some lady losing it when she sees a pregnant woman: someone in the line at the bank, coffee place or supermarket; a complete stranger.
First, the questions:
Secret Club Member: (screeching as she hunkers down and runs over with her hand out to touch the belly) “Oooohhhaaaaahhhheeeeeehh… Look what you’ve been up to!”
Unwitting Pregnant Woman: “Wha!”
SCM: (sporting wide eyes and a crazed smile) “When aaaaaaaare yoooooou duuuuue?”
UPW: (a bit dazed, and taken aback with a strange woman touching her belly) “April,” she squeaks.
SCM: (rubbing UPW’s belly in circles and lowering her voice for the illusion of confidence) “Do you know what it is yet?”
UPW: (resisting the urge to say “human,” or “none or your business.”) “We’re having a girl,” as she narrows her eyes.
SCM: (feeling the excitement of another potential club member) “Ahhh… what’s her name?
UPW: (concealing the urge to break her hand off at the wrist) “Well… we like Jada.”
SCM: (her smile cascades into a frown and she knits here eyebrows together) “Humpfgh. That’s an interesting name.”
(Long, silent pause)
SCM: (puffing out a breath) “I once knew a crack-whore named Jada. What other names have you thought of?”
There are many amazing things about such interchanges, primarily, the complete lack of interest in the woman herself. If the ‘conversation’ is allowed to continue, the Secret Club Member glazes over and regales the Unwitting Pregnant Woman with tales of how wonderful pregnancy is, or how awful her 46 hours of labor were.
WTF?!?
1 comment:
oh. uh. i read this wrong. i thought j was the one who said she knew a crack whore.
but, anyway, if you want to name your kid after a crack whore, why that's be really cool in my book.
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